Suffering
The Lessons
Part Three of a Seven-Part Series
Suffering, by definition, is nothing we should desire for ourselves or for anyone else. Masochism and sadism are the products of disturbed minds. That being said, it also is true that we can often observe good results from experiences of suffering.
For example, our errors are, by shame or embarrassment or by pain, seared onto our memories. I have a clear memory of the end of a basketball game, back when I was in eighth grade. My team had a one-point lead. The other team had just scored, so, by rule, we were awarded possession of the ball. The game clock showed 5 seconds. All we had to do was pass the ball in and take a dribble or two in order for time to expire. I was given the task of passing the ball in. No problem. I’d successfully passed the ball thousands of times. The referee handed me the ball but my teammate, to my dismay, instead of coming toward me for the pass, drifted away toward mid-court. A defender, hovering near him, was clearly anticipating a steal. I yelled at my teammate to come to the ball. He seemed not to hear. The time to pass the ball was running out. I didn’t know whether my team had any time outs remaining. I had to pass the ball in. I passed the ball away from the defender, but my teammate was passive. The defender was aggressive; he stole the ball.
I followed my pass, thinking I could block the shot attempt. I was sure I was going to block that shot. I did not block the shot. Instead, I watched in disbelief as the ball ripped through the net. Game over. We lost. It was crushing. Another teammate chewed me out for not heaving the ball the length of the court. In spite of all I had tried to do, he was right; I should have done just that. I had cost my team a game by making a bad decision.
Many years have passed and, obviously, I’ve never forgotten that experience. It makes me mad every time I think of it. But the lessons are there as well. Not just lessons about that basketball situation— there are general applications that can also be made. Be prepared; know the situation. Knowing whether a time-out was available would have given me a valuable option. Think broadly about objectives. In general the objective of throwing a pass is to complete that pass to a teammate. In that situation completion was not the real objective; running out the clock was. Sometimes little sacrifices need to be made in order to move toward the big picture objectives.
Sometimes suffering results from unwillingness to listen. When a mother knows her child is unable to swim, she will give warnings, such as to stay in the shallow part of a pool. If her child chooses to ignore her, trusting to his indomitable powers, he is bound for the unpleasant experience of oxygen deprivation. He may swallow water. He may drown. (How many children have been rescued from drowning by vigilant parents?) A child who ignores a parent’s warning, only to suffer the consequences, will have a new respect for subsequent parental warnings. Generally, parental discipline fits into this category. Parents take no joy in scolding or punishing their children. But negative discipline is one means of teaching. Small punishments are intended to protect us from errors that may have worse consequences.
To become a renowned concert pianist, it is necessary to dedicate your life to practice. Great accomplishment comes through blood, sweat, and tears. People live sacrificially for their businesses, for their performance skills, for their families, for their countries, for their faiths, etc. If something is important, we understand we will have to make sacrifices for it. In some cases we are even willing to die. It is a part of the glory of being human. It is one of the ways we image God.
A fundamental characteristic of being human is the process of maturing. Babies are cute and fascinating, but more wonderful is the one who can care for the baby, be patient with the baby’s limitations, some of which are annoying (throwing food on the floor), some of which are disgusting (messing in diapers), some of which are trying (crying in the middle of the night). Parents sacrifice for their children, as they try to guide them into good behavior, equip them, guide them as to life’s meaning, protect them, provide for their needs, and as they give them love beyond all the practical concerns. Infants are helpless, needy, and egocentric. It is a radical transition from total dependency to one who sacrifices daily to care for a dependent. A lot goes into the transition from one state to the other.
So it is apparent that suffering is often integral to human development. We must learn to function within our environment. Sometimes we learn through words; sometimes we learn the hard way. When we learn the hard way we often shake our heads and say, “I should have known better.” This is the suffering we all understand; we see the relationship between suffering and learning. If all suffering could be clearly connected to a lesson, particularly, if the suffering were not of a severe sort, I doubt we would be angry about it.
(End of Part Three of a Seven-part Series)
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