Guilt

Guilt is a friend.

Cut your hand with a kitchen knife and it hurts like hell.  Good thing.  If it didn’t hurt you might not notice the cut until you had bled all over the kitchen.  Maybe without the pain you would be cavalier, ignoring the cut until it developed into an infection, which could lead to a very serious problem.  One of the body’s jobs is to keep you informed about when it is injured.  While no one likes pain, it is a critical warning service.  In this sense, pain is a benefit.

Guilt is a pain sensor of the soul.  Guilt is not supposed to linger any more than pain is.  Guilt is your conscience letting you know that something is wrong that needs healing attention.  A smart conscience is God’s messenger.  Smart or stupid, it is foolish to ignore the voice of the conscience.  (What is it saying?)  You will likely understand the message if you take the time to be still and listen. 

The first thing to consider about the message of guilt is, is it true guilt or false guilt?  You may be accused of being a white male.  In spite of popular trends, and in spite of the fact that white males have committed countless offenses, being a white male is not an offense.  You may take offense at someone for being a white male, but this means you are judgmental, which is far different from actually being offended.  Sometimes people think they’ve been given license to take offense because the sentiment is trending.  But this is merely trial by mob—a very dangerous judgmentalism.  To take offense at someone’s being is completely inappropriate.  There are no races or sexes or nationalities or tribes or social groupings that are not guilty of great crimes.  At the same time, most individuals who fit into those categories are innocent of those great crimes.  So we can point fingers, or have them pointed at us but, more often than not, this is no real indicator of guilt.  False guilt is accepting responsibility when you are not responsible.  You will drive yourself crazy trying to make sure others are thinking only happy thoughts about you.  

Another way of considering whether guilt is true is to ask, “Is there something I can do to make this right?”  No one is responsible to do what he can’t do.

The simplest way to alleviate guilt is to stop doing the thing you know is wrong.  Maybe you steal time at work.  Changing this behavior is not that difficult.  Many bad behaviors are difficult to change.  Perhaps you are an alcoholic.  Perhaps you have a problem being mean.  Maybe you’re a mean alcoholic.  We all have behaviors we wish we could walk away from but have repeatedly failed to leave them behind.  We need help in such cases.  Perhaps an accountability partner would be helpful.  Perhaps professional help is needed.  The cost of professional help may be daunting…but the cost of going without help can also be very costly.  When you know you must change a behavior, you must embrace more radical methods of change than those failed efforts of your past.   

Foolish behavior rarely takes place in a vacuum.  There may be one person or many people who have been injured by your foolish behavior.  Amends must be made; forgiveness must be asked.  Restitution should be offered, where possible.  Making amends, working towards peace can be a terrifying prospect.  It’s not easy to admit wrongdoing, especially to those who are less than gracious and who may turn your admissions against you.  But guilt is a prison.  It’s foolishness to stay in the cell just because you can’t stand the thought of saying “sorry” to the jailer.

Not everyone is forgiving.  Different people have different policies about it.  Most people will forgive most offenses, but have their limits.  Some people are very clear about what they will never forgive.  Christians do not have the option of limits.  We must forgive those who ask.  Jesus made this clear through the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant.  The parable conveys that God has forgiven Christians the death penalty, which is to say, he has granted them immortality.  Under this circumstance it is hypocrisy for Christians to refuse to pass on mercy to others.  God is adamant on this issue.  He says that if we refuse to forgive others, he will also refuse to forgive us.  In this God is saying, “If you do not embrace mercy and compassion, you have no idea who I am.  You do not believe in me.”

Even so, sometimes people will not forgive.  You can’t make a person forgive you.  In sincerity you should communicate that you would like to reconcile, and that you remain open to reconciliation.  If the other person will not reconcile, you bear no blame.  The Lord has forgiven you.  You are free.  The failure of others to forgive is just that: a failure.  No one is to bear guilt for the failures of others. 

We cannot forgive ourselves, but we can accept forgiveness.  Wallowing in guilt is outside the purpose of guilt.

Confession to a priest or a pastor is of no value, unless the confession leads to a confession before those who have actually been offended.  Confessions before congregations are foolishness, unless all in the congregation have been directly offended.  Such public confessions lend themselves more to gossip or to false humility than to reconciliation.  True confessions are personal, since their aim is always to mend relational damage.

Penance cannot deliver us from guilt, nor can it right any wrong.  While the entire human race was under the death sentence, the sentence was satisfied by Jesus the Christ on the cross.  His action paid for all sins, even though to receive the gift of life it is necessary to accept the gift.  To perform penance is like making payments on a car for which you already possess title.  To perform penance is to fail to recognize the power and value of Christ’s sacrifice.

While guilt cannot be purchased or worked off, this does not mean restitution is inappropriate.  Some simple offenses can be paid for.  For example, if you steal someone’s car and wreck it, you can pay for what you have stolen by giving that person another car of equal value, plus some added fee for the inconvenience and costs they have incurred while all this was taking place.  But if you shoot someone and there is permanent damage, how can you pay for what that person has lost?  You may be able to calculate a reasonable compensation for lost wages and other practical losses, but how can you calculate the loss of the joys of full human functionality?  Or how can you pay for damage caused by being mean?  Restitution has its place, but its place is limited. 

“Repent” does not mean, “feel bad”; it means change your mind, change your direction, change your behavior so you can stop feeling bad.  Repentance is recognition that you’ve practiced wrong behavior. 

Guilt is a gift from God.  It is never his intention that anyone should feel guilt for any length of time.  Guilt is to drive a person to repentance and, once having stopped the evil behavior, having made amends to the extent possible, guilt no longer serves a purpose.  If it serves no purpose, we may say, “Be gone, demon.”